Playing Dirty: Ole Miss

Gosh almighty, who the hell are they?

It’s going to be an exciting Saturday in Tiger Stadium as LSU welcomes the SEC West’s last undefeated team to town. Here to explain to us what exactly is happening at Ole Miss is Red Cup Rebellion’s One Man To Beat. This Q&A isn’t for X’s and O’s, it’s for having real fun.

1. Ole Miss is 7-0 for the first time since 2014. That streak ended when the Rebels visited LSU in Tiger Stadium. In order to get to 8-0 this year’s Ole Miss team will have to play… hey look at that! At least eight years ago y’all got to be the yearly Bama upset team. But this time it’s all downhill from here huh?

All great points, really insightful for sure. Personally, I think Lane Kiffin > Hugh Freeze, but you know obviously everyone has their opinion there. It’s also likely Brian Kelly > Les Miles, or at least gosh I’d sure hope so after the enormous financial commitment you’ve made to a guy who is more famous for his tik tok dancing than wins in Baton Rouge so far.

I think the Rebels ended up in a NY6 bowl in the 2014 postseason, so I’m clearing by New Year’s calendar currently without much reprehension or anxiety.

2. Speaking of the yearly Bama upset, I have no problem admitting I’m openly rooting for an Ole Miss-Tennessee SEC Championship Game. A 50-50 crowd of that matchup would be rowdier than every Falcons crowd this year combined. Everyone who doesn’t want this matchup is objectively an unfun person right?

It’s the brewing rivalry I think the world needs right now. Enough of Russia or the guys and gals(?) at OPEC and the good ole US of A, give us some deep seeded hatred for that weird color of orange, a history of unrequited love between an opposing coach and a spurned fanbase, and by God please get Lane Kiffin a Pope-mobile for the sideline for all the things that will be thrown at him. It would truly be a toxic and wild atmosphere where Tennessee would probably win by like two touchdowns if I had to guess right now. Hookers generally have a high success rate in Atlanta, so that’s my thinking there.

3. The Tigers are aiming for a second consecutive win against coaches who allegedly were interested in the LSU job last year only for the interest to not be reciprocated by the administration. Tell us why petty Lane Kiffin is superior to petty Billy Napier.

I think Kiffin’s overall knowledge and skill at social media is far superior, but that isn’t saying much. Napier seems like the kind of guy who would have a dust laden desktop computer just off the breakfast nook in his home, so they can keep tabs on who is trying to look at inappropriate things on the internets. He likely still uses CD-Roms of free AOL to check his email. When his players ask for help on term papers, he directs them to thousands of printed pages from Encarta in a storage unit he has with a painted sign that says “lerning stuff” on it.

Additionally, Kiffin being “allegedly interested” in LSU is something I had not heard, because the noise from boosters dropping off sacks of cash to ensure his time in Oxford was pretty loud.

4. Ole Miss is one of the three best rushing offenses in FBS. The other two schools are Air Force and Army. Does this mean Ole Miss is a service academy now? Y’all did wear stars and stripes helmets last Saturday. What does Ole Miss protect the country from, cooking with open flames? Getting drafted by the Chargers? Is there any stronger American irony than a military branch nicknamed the Rebels?

This open flame thing really gets you going huh? Is this a damn episode of Survivor or something? I mean, shit, there’s several ways to keep food warm and cook without a roaring pit of wood and coals.

I think Ole Miss would be a terrible service academy though. Unless the battle consisted of a chip shot challenge at the local country club or how to not subtly brag about family vacations, we’re not equipped for it. There’s some deer hunters and fishermen, and we’ve got our redneck contingent in our midst, though we are not the fan-boat driving, gator wrestling, nutria eating capable workforce y’all could bring to the table in the protection of our country.

5. Okay, go ahead and gloat about the College World Series. You earned it. Just get it over with.

{Cues John Cena music}

NEVER. GIVE. UP.

Gosh dang, what a time to be a Rebel. Last team in, last team standing – this is what college baseball is all about, National Champion Ole Miss Rebels. All of the years of Ole Miss At Home Again were worth it. I’ve proudly stood by the trophy and gotten many photos taken with it, and it’s a damn good feeling. It likely means Mike Bianco is here for the rest of his career, and that’s fine too – I welcome the sub .500 record that is definitely about to hammer us.

For real though, if there was one team that absolutely could not win this past year, it was Tennessee. I mean, it was truly a joyous moment watching the final outs of that Super Regional and seeing them eliminated. The other schools in the SEC really have to rally around making sure there is no happiness in Knoxville from here on out. As annoying as I know LSU fans can be, they are some of the more hospitable once you allow them to make fun of your Brooks Brothers attire, your terrible choice in team, and your sexual proclivities – once that’s done, the gumbo and jambalaya is great, and the Miller Lites are cold and delicious. Tennessee fans? Hell no, truly some of the worst fans on the planet. They deserve nothing and should like it.